This is a subject I have read many blog posts on, and after reading those I either felt completely justified in our own hurt and anger, or I would think how in the world can these people say these awful things about the church??

Honestly, I cannot believe I am going to step in to this subject knowing it is often a landmine subject. The reality is, it is a subject when spoken about you either hear the viewpoint of church leadership, which is often skewed towards protecting the church, it’s leaders, and the organization, or you hear from someone who sounds like absolute angry maniac but are obviously still walking in the trauma and ptsd of what has happened to them as a result of their experience in the church. In my experience neither perspective is effective in walking people towards healing and wholeness, to continue moving in their calling.

So, here goes…….

The church chewed us up….. now what do I do?

My spouse and I have been in church ministry collectively for over 50 years, not counting the years we were in church as attendees only. We have sacrificed, served, ministered, loved, cared for and protected the church and its leaders for a long time. This is not a blog post to point out dysfunction, or blemishes, nor to ridicule the bride of Christ.  But His beloved bride is made up of individual members, many of which are in need of healing for wounds they have experienced within the church.

This blog is a glimpse into our journey and the steps we have taken to heal, so that you too could pursue healing for your ministry wounds.  How do you begin the process of healing? Whether it is you or your spouse that has felt burned, rejected, torn down and discarded? Get help! Yes, you must get help! You must view a wound as a wound, and just like a 3rd degree burn unattended, wounds will fester and deepen eventually causing an entire blood infection, so will a church or ministry burn. Whether the burn is a 1st, 2nd or 3rd degree burn- it still must heal. Some wounds will heal over time, but effective healing happens with purposeful monitored help and love.

When we began walking through this journey, we were at a complete loss with how to walk this process effectively. At times feeling like it wasn’t a walk at all, but a crawl, or a stand-still. At one point, while in a stand-still I had asked the Lord for direction, clarity, wisdom. I didn’t just want to be heard, and be justified, but to heal and then move forward.

I asked the Lord for help, and then I had a dream….. Literally that same night. If you know me, you know I am a big dreamer, it is often where clarity is brought to deep issues, where the Lord downloads things unknown to my heart and mind. This dream, which was much longer than I will share, showed our family leaving a city and heading out into uncharted territory in a Jeep. When we got to the guarded gate, the guard asked us why we would want to take the more familiar “low-road” because the ‘low-road” as he put it, would offer no protection for us. He told us the “high-road” although less traveled would be safer and our family would be protected through the journey.

When I woke from that dream I shared it with my husband and we talked about what the uncharted “high-road” would look like in the healing process. In that dream, it was clear to us, the journey, would be a process and not a stand-still or a stuff everything deep down and let hurt remain hidden inside our hearts. It would in fact, be a “high-road” journey of healing, and it would not be easy.

I realized, if I had something physically wrong with my body, like a broken bone, there is no way my loving spouse would sit on the couch beside me empathizing with me about my broken bone without getting medical help. He would empathize, and get help for me to begin healing. 2 Corinthians 3:16-17 says, Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Jesus has to be introduced and brought into those places needing healing so He can bring freedom to our hearts and minds. It was at this moment I decided to begin finding a trusted counselor who could help us move from a stand-still to a crawl and eventually a walk towards healing.

Knowing injuries, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual can place a person in emotional shock, unable to think or move, loved ones near must be ready to step in and help. Whether it is physical or emotional shock, often careful intervention is needed. At times a stepping in is necessary, not to pile on the pain, but in order to bring healing for the person you love. In Matthew 8:5-13, the Centurion came to Jesus asking Him to heal his servant who was on his deathbed. In John 4:46-54 an Official came to Jesus asking for healing for his son. In both of these accounts, the person needing healing didn’t come to Jesus, but a loved one did and knew Jesus is the Healer and their loved one needed what only He can do.

Where to begin…..

Wounding Words:

Specific to word wounds, we must realize words carry meaning, they carry the power of life and death. Proverbs 18:21 says “Life and death are in the power of the tongue,” Proverbs 15:4 says “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit,” The effects of words depend on several things, who has spoken them and whether that is a person of authority, leadership or the close proximity of the person. Whether the words speak directly against a gifting or calling, and if the words have been spoken from a place of judgement and arrive as a curse. What do you do if the words don’t align with what Jesus speaks, how do you or the one you love effectively reject those and listen to His truthful words? How do you break off those words that have cursed you or judged you or your loved one? You must realize, they need to be broken off, loosed off, counteracted with truth….. However you desire to put it, the power in those words must be broken off.

The Place:

Wherever and with whomever the hurt took place, there has to be freedom and wisdom to not go back to the place where wounds occurred unless it is a very direct, clear word from the Lord. Looking for justification, reconciliation, change or forgiveness at the place of wounding can do more damage unless the Lord is leading and it is His timing. All those desired things (reconciliation, forgiveness) are indeed godly and important, but sometimes looking for those things where wounds originated can cause cause more damage. Forgiveness only takes one party but reconciliation requires two, and biblical reconciliation grows in the soil of repentance. Reconciliation in the Bible happens with a contrite heart (feeling remorse or regret), so although reconciliation may be desired by you, your spouse, others near, the truth of what reconciliation is, must be clear. If it is not true reconciliation with a contrite heart, you or your loved one will pursue something that looks like reconciliation from man’s view or the world’s view but actually isn’t, and is a counterfeit. Pursuing the “appearance” of reconciliation in the absence of repentance can more damage.

 

All that being said, remember:

 

• Christ is still making His bride radiant.

• Give yourself up to Jesus.

• Remember a giving yourself up for the church isn’t the same as giving yourself up to Jesus. Jesus gave himself up for the church so we need to be careful we are not doing what only Jesus is called to do.

• Get help for your wounds.

• Pursue help (whether professional or christian counselor) for you or your loved one.

• Cover yourself in prayer, truthful honest prayer, for you, your family, your spouse. Have other trusted people pray.

• Make sure you are walking the unfamiliar, less traveled road where His protection will guide and help you walk in healing and truth.

• Pursue outside help to navigate the triggers and the land-mines cautiously and wisely.

• Know the depths of the pain, is this a surface wound or is on a ptsd level, both must be addressed differently.

• Believe in Jesus, He loves you and your spouse and speaks words of love over you.

• If you cannot hear Him, let His written word speak His truth over your heart, saturate yourself in Him (not the big “C” church).

• Commune with Him regularly, apart from the church setting, but in your Selah place.

• Create a Selah (peace) place, whether it is your home, a place you visit, a family member’s home.

• Find your Selah (peace) place where you can rest and your heart can have moments of rest.

• Limit triggers, triggers can take you right back to the moment of hurt and the place.

• Be willing to look at the other issues that might be contributing to the depth of pain, other wounds, so all previous wounds can be healed. Repenting to Jesus if there are issues or words you are responsible for releasing from a place of pain.

• Be okay with what you need; whether to walk, lay, or stand in the journey.

I know and you should know, I am not a professional counselor or psychologist. We know some, and we know some better today than we did a few years ago.  This journey is one I traveled on in my teens years with my family and have traveled since with my loved ones. It is not a road I wish on anyone, but I know this is a road many experience, and unfortunately given enough time, many will walk, crawl or stand in!

 

Please know and remember-

There is healing in Jesus, there is hope in Jesus, there is wholeness in Jesus.